#18. Rest and reassurance

You know the best kinda relationship to be in whether platonic or romantic? A sense of rest and reassurance. No second guessing. No drama. No overthinking. Just inner peace, tranquility and mind getting to unwind.

#12. L.I.E not lie

All the same mistakes
Just a call away
Someone save me from myself…
I swear to God I’m through

Delaney Jane & Virginia To Vegas – Just As Much

#10. Just remember…

Just remember just as much you’re on the lookout for them, they’re also looking for you and you have to believe in that. Cause you have to have hope, especially on days where you feel like it’s never ending.

#7. Goal line of us?

Ah I feel like I’m asking more questions than dishing out dating advice. But isn’t that where we get the most ROI though? That’s my business part of my brain thinking 😉 Seriously though, what is your current goal line?

#6. FFL rather than FML

You know you got a promising keeper when you have the elements of friendship, fun and laughter especially when things go downhill. Aka when sh*t hits the fan. Cause in those moments, that’s when you know how solid this relationship is. Scout’s honour.

#5. Eyes on you?

Your time is running out…
There’s the silence, there’s my last chance
I stand up with shaky hands, all eyes on me

Taylor Swift, Speak Now

#4. Don’t settle for almosts, what ifs and the in between

Catchy title eh? While it does sound good, it really does have a lot of merit.

#3. Circles of compatibility

I kinda had to giggle a little at today’s tag line 😉 brings to mind the Friends Next Door podcast – I like you cause you’re pretty! Like a little kid running after the next new shiny thing. Superficial never lasts long though, cause there’s always something that looks like the NBT (next best thing).

Today’s words of wisdom are not my own, instead they are from the wise words of How to ruin your life by 30 by Steve Farrar. Since entering the late 20’s era, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting of what I wanted to get sorted before starting the new decade of 30 (as much as I would like to deny it’s on the way, my white hair strand says otherwise!).

In true Unibookworm style, it means study up 😉 Although the book is marketed for that age bracket, there’s so much in this book where it had me saying, would have been good to know in early and mid 20’s.

Presenting the circles of compatibility!

• Intellectually: interests and hobbies – what keeps you both intellectually stimulated and interested? No it doesn’t mean you have to study up and have books over your apartment (unless you’re me and there’s nothing wrong with that 😉
  
  
• Emotionally: are you both able to emotionally support each other on good and bad days? By saying and doing the right things without being told to or do they stand by silently unsure what to do? If your problems become an our problem, that’s a good sign of a good team mate!
  
  
• Socially: whenever you both go to events together, does it feel like you’re there together? Acknowledging each other’s presence yet still having the time to catch up with the others at the event. You don’t have to be glued together for the entire thing, but does it feel like you’re both being present and appreciative of each other?
  
  The thing is, you don’t even have to go to a social event to find this out. Walk with your SO to their office one day and see how they react when you both bump into a colleague.
  
  
• Volitionally: I’m a writer and I had to look this one up! Volition is the ability to choose and decide. Which translates to how well can you both make decisions together? Or are you or they always being the one to call all the shots?
  
  
• Spiritually: this isn’t limited to a religion 😉 Do both of your life values, ethics, morals and attitude in life align? Cause if it’s going in opposite directions, sooner or later you’re going to feel torn and start compromising on things you said you never would.
  
  
• Physically: The sparks.

I love how this book yaps on about how out of the 6 circles of compatibility, that's it's 5 for talking and 1 for touching
🤭
Sounds amusing but it's actually true, cause while you can have amazing physical chemistry with someone, if there's barely any alignment in the other 5 - sooner or later the relationship will feel stale and dry. And dare I say it boring. If you're wanting to build an authentic and long term relationship, you have to look beyond the sparks because they won't last forever. Cause after they fade, you actually have to talk to them (gasp!).
It just comes down to, what do you like both doing that would be fun together? Beyond the usual brunch, dinner, movie spiel... what else is there? Is it having a spontaneous Sunday wander that turns into photography tours, watching the latest TED Talk and discussing the scintillating ideas, cooking date or heading the the gym together (I have friends who do this!). Doesn't matter what it is, as long as you both enjoy doing this activity together.

#2. Be a team mate not a micro manager

You know what’s not fun at work? Being micromanaged where you have to wonder… What’s the point of having me here if you’re just going to tell me how to do it exactly and when you don’t like it, you do it all yourself? I mean I have skills, I know stuff – just leave it to me and I’ll take care of it.

Frustrating right?

#1. ABC… Always Be Clear

The best kinda terrace view but imagine being here and having no idea if you’re on a date or not 😉

In my early and mid 20’s and even late – I never really understood the importance or context around this. You know being clear that it’s a date or not. Cause in my mind, I would only go out with people that I already were romantically interested in. It wasn’t until this year after listening to the Friends Next Door podcast where they said there was 2 schools of thought when it came to dating.